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by Michael Peroutka

On May 1st, 2011, Barack Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden had been ambushed and killed by a Navy Seal team and, only a little while later, his body was dumped in the Indian Ocean.

In a little known but related story, the White House also announced that a Special Forces team ambushed and killed Big Foot in a remote area of Washington State, but on the ride back to base the body fell out of the helicopter into Puget Sound.

A spokesperson confirmed that locating Big Foot would not have been possible but for the use of enhanced interrogation techniques on a limited number of spotted hoot-owls which the CIA confirmed had been used as couriers.  The spokesman insisted that the torturing of the hoot-owls was well within the limits authorized by special panel of White house aviary lawyers and that the intelligence gained using these techniques was credible and necessary.

Big Foot, it is widely known, has been terrorizing the Yukon Territory for decades.

Some Tea Party activists have decried the government’s actions saying Big Foot’s death was a wrongful use of Executive power since the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution requires that due process of law must be followed before life, liberty or property can be taken. 

However, Obama’s actions enjoyed widespread support from members of the conservative media who pointed out that the marines who tortured the hoot-owls and killed Sasquatch were brave and handsome and should get priority seating on all commercial airplane flights.

Effectively, those who have complained that Big Foot was killed without ever having been charged with a crime, or convicted by a court of law have been silenced by a conservative media that has marginalized such complaints as frivolous and un-American.

Reporting from Washington, this is MAP for IOTC bringing you TAV.